"Help people hate each other" and other unusual job descriptions

HRM 21 Dec 2012

How many HR hours go into creating comprehensive and accurate job descriptions? Too many, if these pithy alternatives are to be believed.

When Dilbert creator Scott Adams asked people for joke job descriptions he got more than he bargained for with hundreds of responses. Here are 16 of the best:
 

  • Help people hate each other – Divorce Lawyer (Scott Adams’ favourite)
     
  • Talk in other people’s sleep – College Professor
     
  • Call people who know what they’re doing and ask them what they’re doing – Incident Manager
     
  • Make people feel bad about their work – Quality Assurance Tester
     
  • Take numbers on pieces of paper, rearrange them and put them on different pieces of paper –  Tax Accountant
     
  • Show you innovative ways to burn money in the spirit of patriotism – Fireworks Stand Manager
     
  • Arrive after the battle and bayonet all the wounded – Auditor
     
  • Shepherd clients through the process of setting their products on fire – Consumer Products Tester
     
  • Persuade kids that it’s really fun being wet, cold and scared out of their minds – Sailing Instructor
     
  • Ensure that stupid people stay in the gene pool – Lifeguard (HC’s favourite)
     
  • Spend most of the day looking out the window – Pilot
     
  • Go to strange people’s houses and take their money – Pizza Delivery Boy
     
  • Take pictures of the unlucky and the stupid – X-ray Technician
     
  • Run away and call the police – Security Guard
     
  • Copy and paste from the Internet – Student


Leave your comment
Start a new discussion

HRM Asia forum is the place for positive industry interaction and welcomes your professional and informed opinion.

Post a Comment
HRM Asia welcomes your contribution. Your IP address is recorded in the event of a complaint.
Name *
Email *
(required, but will not display)
Comment *
Please enter in the numbers in the box left.
You are about to submit your comment. Is it:
  • Professional
  • In your own name or pseudonym, not impersonating someone else
  • Free from rude language
  • Free from advertising
  • If you prefer not to post but are still keen to get your viewpoint across, you can always e-mail the editor.
  • 24 Jul | Frazer Jones Global HR Search & Recruitment | Singapore
    The HR Operations Senior Manager will lead a team on the management of all HR Operations as well as the revamp and improvement of current HR processes ...
    23 Jul | The People At Work Pte Ltd | Singapore
    Our client, one of the “Top 100 Fastest-Growing Companies” in USA specializing in 3D measurement, imaging and realization technology is looking for a ...
    22 Jul | Frazer Jones Global HR Search & Recruitment | Singapore
    The HR Associate will be required to support HR Operations and improvement initiatives around the region.
    Talent retention through global mobility
    Norbert Modla, Group Head of HR, Hillebrand Group shares how HR can retain and manage key talent by using effective global mobility strategies
    Unorthodox HR
    The impact of diversity on WSH
    Engaging talent through innovation
    Performance Leadership Pte Ltd | info@performance.sg
    Lunch, Learn and Bond with your teams, all within 1 hour! Choose from a variety of light-hearted, interesting or thought-provoking topics that appeal ...
    Performance Recognition Pte Ltd | info@performance.sg
    A monthly business incubator where leaders grow their skills, exchange ideas and share best practices.
    GIG Education Centre Pte Ltd | info@gig.edu.sg
    To improve your Public Speaking, Pronunciation and Presentation skills.